I am not good

The LORD looks down from heaven upon the children of men,
To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.
They have all turned aside,
They have together become corrupt;
There is none who does good,
No, not one.
Psalm 14:2-3 NKJV

Having spent most of my life trying to be good, I realize over and over again the strength of the nature within me. I am not good, nor will I ever be so.

On the one hand I struggle with accepting the forgiveness of God for my raging internal thoughts - thoughts of envy, pride, self-seeking, anger, unbelief, self-hatred, etc. On the other hand, I excuse my laziness and lack of discipline, chalking it up to the fact of a sin nature and well, grace covers me, right?

What a mess! How can I possibly find the balance between grace and holiness?

In the first chapter of The Imitation of Christ, Thomas A Kempis writes,

For verily it is not deep words that make a man holy and upright; it is a good life which maketh a man dear to God. I had rather feel contrition than be skillful in the definition thereof.

I am also reminded of II Corinthians 10:18:

For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends. NKJV

More than anything else in my life, I desire to hear God say "Well done." I read the Word, I seek knowledge, I say all the right words as often as I can. Yet, when I neglect to do good, I feel the disastrous weight of failure. Yes, I may try to justify my actions, or excuse my sin through a quick comparison to others', but the reality, deep down, remains. I am not good.

Jesus stated in Matthew 19:17,

“Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.” NKJV

No one is truly good, except for God. If I desire goodness, then I need to desire God, for only He can transform my heart and mind, conforming it to the image of Christ.

And a promise remains for this journey of seeking Him:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galations 5:22-23 NKJV

Oh, may such fruit of the Spirit grow in my life!